........................are you living? or just surviving.
I saw this today and I had to take a picture of it. This is why you have to “live” and appreciate what you have in the moment. Are you living or just surviving?

I saw this today and I had to take a picture of it. This is why you have to “live” and appreciate what you have in the moment. Are you living or just surviving?

And we’ll sing, just as loud as we please And we will be, forever so free So come follow me Cabin by the sea

And we’ll sing, just as loud as we please
And we will be, forever so free
So come follow me
Cabin by the sea

Okay so I applied to University of Texas in Austin, and also Texas Tech because they offer nutrition degrees that shsu doesn’t. And yes I’m currently a kines major but tbh I realized I don’t want to be.. It takes simply a few months to become certified to be a fitness instructor or yoga instructor at a gym through NASM so it’s pointless to have a major in this tbh. I’ve constantly gone back and forth between kinesiology, nutrition, physical therapy and teaching. And at Texas Tech they offer a nutrition degree with a secondary teaching certification in nutrition/food science which I think is cool because it still involves nutrition but also involves the teaching environment that I’ve always loved. But it also has the full on dietetics program that I keep getting drawn to (that UTA offers as well).
I 100% want to transfer to UTA but I don’t think I’m going to get in because I heard they only accept like 40% of the people that apply. Also I’ve been commuting to Sam Houston this year and still living at home, so transferring will be a huge change for me (if I’m accepted) and il be living on campus. I’m actually wanting this soooooo bad while also being scared out of my mind. I feel like I need to get away and go where nobody knows me and I can start fresh. I don’t have anything going for me here (no friends anymore either) so I’m hoping that everything will fall into place. I know that everything happens for a reason and that I will end up where I am supposed to be. I’ve just been so anxious/confused/scared thinking about the future and where I want to go in life.

The purpose of life is not to only be happy. It is to be useful, to be honorable, to be compassionate, to have it make some difference that you have lived and lived well.

Maroon 5 - Animals

Driving to class

There was this car that kept trying to pass me and I was pissed because I was already speeding lmao and I hate when people do that. Okay well I wasn’t pissed but anyways I sped up even more and I was just messing with him actually and kind of doing this “racing” thing with him. And then whenever he got directly next to me he rolled down his window AND IT WAS A COP IN A UNMARKED CAR TRYING TO BE SNEAKY! But he was laughing and I was like “oops”🙊 😁✋ .. But luckily he was young and hot and yeah that could have went terribly wrong..
And now I’m waiting for math to start but yeah that’s my exciting morning story😂 haha

Fig, Goat cheese, Balsalmic and onion sandwich for one on Plantain bread.-o
Someone bought the concert tickets that I posted online!!! Yay I was so worried that I going to be down a bunch of money but now everything is okay:)

just saw there’s “Banana pudding” bluebell in the freezer (who cares that it’s dairy) I have to make a bowl.. 😳😜

I did this thing where I dyed my hair and chopped off four inches today. I luhvvvs ittt

I did this thing where I dyed my hair and chopped off four inches today. I luhvvvs ittt

So yup

I’ve been vegan, and I’ve been paleo.

I’ve seen how my body feels on both. Done research on everything possible and currently to me I think the “sweet spot” or happy place is somewhere between the two. Looking at shailene woodley and how she eats “indigenous” is actually pretty cool. And It’s about getting back to nature but also working with what is available to you and not being picky about it, also goes towards the “hunter/gatherer” way of life when people were 80 and still sprinting like badasses and kickin ass because they were super healthy lol.
Like I love being outside and picking fresh farm eggs and veg/fruit, but also when I’m in the city I love trying new things and working with what’s around me and what I crave. My fam already gets a lot of our food from my uncles farm, I’ve been big into herbalism and using fresh herbs to make teas whenever I don’t feel well instead of meds. I believe that straight up grass-fed natural meat/fish isn’t bad for you when it’s not loaded with hormones and when I know how the animals have lived happy and cage free lives and it doesn’t make me a bad person for having meat, and if I don’t know the quality of it, I would rather just have some rice with all kinds of veg/ mushrooms sautéed in coconut oil or whatever else (we made mushroom risotto the other day and it was amazing tbh).
And Sometimes I’m going to crave good quality meat, and other times I’m going to crave maybe some vegan things. I like my body having lots of plant protein sources some days and other days meat protein so it’s not limited and it’s getting nutrients from a variety of things. I’m realizing that sticking to one specific way of eating isn’t the way to go because your body could really be needing iron and meat one day and the next day maybe not so much and it needs some other nutrient your lacking. I’ve been in tune with my body lately and really listening to it. I believe that if you crave something, that’s your body telling you that you are missing a certain nutrient and it needs that. Especially how when my body craves real chocolate or icecream , once again I don’t deny those cravings. :) haha okay I know this is probably so dumb but I’ve been talking to my aunt a lot lately. She’s a big health foodie and she just talks to me about things and also all these health related classes I’ve been having to take naturally makes my mind start to think about things more and I realized I feel my best when I’m in this “sweet spot”.

Okay there is a silver lining to this day. New coffee.

Okay there is a silver lining to this day. New coffee.

Venting while waiting for my next class to start.

I’m so upset today.:/ honestly I cried last night because I realized I have nobody to count on or even call a “friend” anymore. the whole situation with that girl and he concert that I posted about yesterday. Like seriously I don’t even know why I’ve tried to be friends with her even though she has screwed me over sooooo many times in the past. She’s gone after all my ex bfs, and she’s honestly so selfish and doesn’t have any friends because she is so self absorbed and stuck up. also she has like major issues. She had a incident where she tried to commit suicide and ended up in the hospital and that’s mainly why I’ve tried to just keep pushing past everything and be nice to her and have a friendship. Like I always go out of my way for her, and I even spent money that I didn’t really have to try I have one fun night at a concert at th end of the month.. That she begged me to get online and buy before it sold out. And of course she decides to just not go anymore and now I’m stuck with the tickets and down several hundred dollars.. Plus I have absolutely nobody I could even ask to go with me because I legit have no friends.. I had a best friend “Megan” who was my best friend for like five years.. But she decided to get more wrapped up in her bf and just stop talking to me all together and ignores me when I try reaching out. I even bought her a coach purse for her bday a few months ago to show her how grateful I am that she’s always been there for me and I felt like I just wanted to do something really really nice for her so I had saved up the money for it. Then when my bday came around I didn’t even get a homemade bday card or anything.
And last night when all that happened with kendall with the concert, it just really hit me hard go I really can not put faith in anyone anymore. I legit have NO friends at all and can’t depend on anyone. Like I would do anything for anyone (even went with Megan to go bail her bf out of jail at 5am one day because she was scared to.. I didn’t want to go but I did because that’s what friends do) but her bf is more important to her, and when I just call or text to see how she’s doing to try to keep the friendship, I just get ignored and no response. (I’ve been trying to keep our friendship the past year but have just been completely pushed away.) So literally I’m done with her completely as well which is sad because she was the only one who stuck by me when I lost all my other friends from pushing THEM away during the worst of my eating disorder.

And kendall just “not wanting to go anymore” is just a bitch move and shows she honestly doesn’t care about anyone but herself because now I’m stuck with non refundable tickets..

I guess is just me riding solo these days. Kind of sucks how things like this happen and it takes moments like this to realize who really values your friendship and who could care less. #teamlonewolf

To top it off.. My granny is deteriorating more each day and it’s killing me.. My parents tell me she’s probably going to only be around for a few more months and that’s the worst feeling ever not knowing if I’m going to wake up and see her sitting in her chair drinking tea in the morning.. 😓 . I keep hearing the days aren’t certain and each day could be her last and I hate hearing that :(

Wow.. Well Kendall totally bailed after telling me she wanted to go to the concert on October 30th and made me pay for her freaking ticket saying she would pay me back (and they weren’t cheap)

And Now she just now tells me she doesn’t want to go anymore.. And nope she’s not paying me either. And I have nobody to even ask to go with me because I don’t have friends anymore so Awesome👏